Another Sunday, another day of reflection on whats been a very up and down week. On the positive side of things, I’ve still not had a drink (20 days now!) and the difference in how my body and mind feel is incredible. I’ve stopped missing the feeling of “having a few beers” now too which is great!
I’ve also booked in some more gigs to actually do sets for comedy and not just sticking to hosting my night. I’m really looking forward to gigging again, sober too!
There have been some tough days this week, not necessarily depression, just tough life things. But stepping back and looking at it I can honestly say that I’ve even started to handle these better. Not long ago I 100% would have drank my way through stuff. But this week I’ve still managed to get the gym 5 times and haven’t spiralled completely out of control at the first sign of struggle.
I say tough days, they certainly have
been tough, I’ve had to accept t
hat I’ve still got plenty of things I need to work on and in the face of all the positivity I’ve felt over the last few weeks, having to delve back into the darkness wasn’t a nice experience and once that I definitely have tried to avoid. I’ve done it now though and I’ve managed to pull myself back into focusing on the positives which is a good thing. Working on being a better version of yourself can be shit at times because you have to look at the parts of your personality that you really don’t like, but I guess that’s the whole point of the experience!
If I’m honest, there isn’t a lot of this week I can actually remember. It seems to have passed in a blur. My brother went on holiday for 3 weeks on Tuesday and that feels like it was a life time ago. My brother has been my gym buddy for the last few months. Having somebody else who’s as determined to get fit as you are is a massive benefit and motivator. I was worried I’d fall out of the habit when he went away, but so far so good. I was also a bit worried by the fact that I’d generally just miss him. We’re twins and as we’ve got older we’ve become really close. It’s like having a best mate that you see nearly every day and its great, even if he is a blue.
The feelings of this week are what I remember more than the moments, I guess. I remember having a counselling session on Tuesday and being really upset after it for the first time. That shocked me too. The first couple I’d been to had been really positive but Tuesdays was so tough. For all the right reasons though. I’ve started to set little goals each week after the counselling sessions, I’ve had 3 now and I’ve met every goal I’ve set, this week wasn’t a pleasant one but one I’ve achieved, so onwards and upwards hopefully!
Today is also a day that brings out one of the worst sides of my personality. Being controlled by football. Liverpool play against United today and the outcome of the match will either ruin or make my day which is crazy behaviour for an adult. I think my passion for football is just something I’ll have to come to terms with though!
Reading this blog post back, it’s a bit all over the place but its my in the moment view of what’s been and gone, so apologies for the multi-directional waffle!
Up the reds,